Posts Tagged ‘could haves’

Only Yesterdays

Oh the times we could have had

I’ve lived them all

Mostly by myself.

Sometimes a little too often

Or so I’ve been told.

Yet, they give me comfort.

Simply moving on is never an option

At least for a mother

And more so in times, a father too.

Most times

In my imaginings

You are grown

And it is Christmas time

Our favorite time of year

And the fire is blazing

The tea is poured

Our Christmas tree is lit

And warming our hands by the hearth

We sit in silence

Smiling

Remembering all the days that came before.

Sometimes a chuckle breaks the silence,

“Remember when …”

And a story begins

No doubt, events embellished by the years,

All the while sipping our tea.

Eating our biscuits.

Warming our hands.

And living in moments,

Never lived.

© 2010, Tim (P) Prendeville

Every Now And Again

Every now and again
I look at you,
Captured there in a moment,
Smiling,
Mid sentence,
Mine,
The way I remember you.
And I think of those days
Those days
Those days when we were young,
Those days when all we needed,
And all we had,
Was each other and a dream

Every now and again
I think of late night talks,
And starry island nights
And promises made,
If not to you
At least to me,
And if not believed by you
At least by me,
Only to be dismissed in later days,
Alone,
And seen,
As you did back then,
As romantic notions
Dreamed of
In romantic places.

Every now and again
I look at you,
And wonder,
And pause,
And drift away,
And feel that old familiar feeling.
But all too soon it fades,
Surrendering to another pause,
One that reminds of today,
And yesterdays that are gone,
Put away like your photographs,
And memories
That can only be relived
Briefly.

© 2009, Tim (P) Prendeville

Without Wings (Revised)

When I was young
It was the little things,
Those things in later life ignored,
That gave me moments of unrest.
The big picture too abstract
Too far removed,
Something to be pondered in later days
Those days have come and gone.

I would like to think it not my fault
My life now lived in a role of minion
The dream once dreamed no longer real
Or even within reach,
Left for other fools to folly with
And ponder in their later years.

Now I am grown and life has moved on.
I punch a clock
I grind an anvil
I serve my time.
I have a regiment of should haves
And could haves and would haves
But they too have grown tired
They too have grown old.

© 2009, Tim (P) Prendeville

A Life Unlived

Oh the times we could have had
They seem so real to me
So clear in my mind
As if already lived.
All the laughs we shared,
And tears too
Memories now lost and unlived,
But clear to me that
Some day
They would have defined my life.

© 2009, Tim (P) Prendeville

California Farmers Market

Every week I see them
Walking their casual pace
Speaking their laid-back gibberish
Believing their youthful nonsense
That life will always be like this.
The girls bubbly and poised
The boys plucky and brave
Neither trodden by experience
Their dreams still unharmed.
Under my breath I mutter
“Christ I envy you so.”

Worry free
Care free
Young
Unafraid
Untested
Unchallenged.
I was once like that
I too wore carefree smiles
Before the lines of life crept in.

Should I stop them
Warn them
Plead some crazy man’s case?
Scream “your time is now!”
Live in the moment but know it is so
Tomorrow creeps ever so quickly
Swallowing whole your today
And then it is gone.

A century ago we lived as we do now.
People made memories
Pondered regrets
And lived lives like generations past.
The same lives
Always the same.
And now in today’s world
A world recycled by time,
The same lessons are being lived
The same lessons learned
Only to be lost again
To time.

© 2009, Tim (P) Prendeville

Trapped (song lyrics version)

Where are you now,
In these every days?
Are you still you and living
As I used to know?

Give me back those days,
My today’s I will trade,
For they just pass and fill my moments,
Alone.

Outside eyes are peering
Seeing only prim rose shadows.
I am hiding from the world
A life unseen,
Oh I am hiding
A life unseen.

I am growing old,
Life is too,
And I am weary for a past
That’s lost along with you..

Release me to that past
Where I belong with you
My one and only one
I let slip away.

Outside eyes are peering
Seeing only prim rose shadows.
I am hiding from the world
A life unseen,
Oh I am hiding
A life unseen.

© 2008, Tim (P) Prendeville

Without Wings (alternate)

Had I listened more in youth
I would have more answers than questions
But I didn’t
So I don’t
I flittered my days away
In the guiltless abandonment of the moment
I don’t know why
But I did

I would like to think it not my fault
My life resigned to role of minion
Too little discipline
Too much time
Too little foresight
In my prime

Whatever the reason
Life has moved on
And I punch a clock
And I serve my time
And I grind an anvil
And I wait in line

I have a regiment of should haves
And could haves
And would haves
But they have grown old
And tired,
And so have I

© 2008, Tim (P) Prendeville